Five Ways To Tell The Portal is Personally Attacking Your Baby Child
Free post. All posts going forward will be free. The old ones will stay paid bc people paid for those and a lot of my paid subscribers look violent. I see you guys complaining about the prize of 12 eggs (LOL SMH) and that you guys really seem like you need something to take your mind off of things while planning my next birthday on a yacht like I asked. If you want to pay anyway to add to my Moving Out Fun, that’s great, too. The sooner I can get my penthouse the better.
Five Ways to Know the Portal Hates and is Personally Attacking Your Child
It’s a well known fact that school portals hate most kids. You might be asking yourself, “Does the portal hate my child?” Great question. Thanks for being curious and HUMBLE. If your child has a C average or lower, the answer is yes. 100%.
Sign #1: Constant Bad News
Is the portal always sending you threatening notifications like, “There are missing assignments” “Submit assignment today or else” and other common snitchery? Wow. The portal is trying to rip your family apart and leave your child an orphan. The only thing stopping your child from ending up like Oliver Twist is blocking the school’s IP address. I can teach you how. Reach out.
Sign #2: Ungraded or Under-graded Assignments
A wise man who graduated from college once said, “There are no bad students, only bad teachers.” So if your child gets a D on a worksheet, we know who deserves the blame. Also, something a lot of people don’t know about portals it that they can distort reality. Like DRUGS. Your child could have an A in the spirit realm but the time it gets to your eyes on the portal screen, it can look like an F-. Optical illusion. If you want to know your child’s true grades, just ask them! Go to the source not a wicked third party.
Sign #3: Stress
Check in with your body. How does the portal make you feel? Bad! Why would you spend time with something that affects your health bar like that? Do you want to get sick? I’m not wishing that on you, but portals emit 65% more EFTs than regular devices. Toxic all around. Why do you take all of that electrolyte powder if you don’t care about your health. Are you a liar?
Sign #4: Gossip
Gossiping is a crime. It’s a form of bullying! Portals love to tell people things like, “Your child was absent” and “Your child has 18 missing assignments” but it never says where it got that information from. Trusting a portal to give you a good information is literally crazy. You’re crazy if you do that.
Sign #5: Liar
Portals don’t tell you when a teacher has not graded an assignment yet. All it tells you is that your baby child is evil. Why would you let someone slander your own blood? The portal updates once every six weeks or so. Who knows what is true and what is just a computer telling a bold-faced lie? Turn off the portal notifications.
I wrote a poem about the school portal that I’d like you to read.
People over portals.
Humans over electricity.
I was your child from the start.
Why would you choose a machine over me? (over me rhymes with electricity)
I thought you loved me
cap
Don’t open that email
It’s a trap
Love: it’s the best aroma
Delete the portal
let’s get boba
Thank you for reading and changing. I am going to do some homework after this game.
xo HT