Open Letter to the Portal
Dear Portal, since you clearly wanna destroy me, let's talk it out
Dear School Portal,
I don’t know what you have against me, but it seems like it’s personal. I’m doing my best. My absolute best. But obviously you want to see me fail.
What do you want?
Complete assignments? Before the due date?
Stop talking crazy. First of all, I don’t know what’s due and I certainly do not know when.
Why?
That’s personal. Why don’t you ever ask questions like, “Can I turn this F into an A?”
You could change my life by moving a couple decimal points here and there but you’re SELFISH.
Also, STOP EMAILING MY PARENTS!!! Nobody gave you legal access to my family. You are ripping my life apart with your baseless accusations. I know you love doing the teacher’s dirty work and for that I hate you.
How do you know if I’m missing assignments or not? Maybe I turned them in IN PERSON. You don’t know what that means because you’re a machine.
Did I hand them in?
No, but I could have and you wouldn’t know, you ugly invisible robot.
I would unplug you if I could.
Do you ever take days off? Nobody wants your notifications.
Has anyone ever told you snitches get stitches? Well, portals get chortled. That means choked, I think. I don’t know I have a D in English.
Long story short, I need you to take a break. Power down while I get my life together.
Don’t make me release a virus into your dumb self.
I’m literally on thin ice, please.
Turn off for like two weeks. Or mark all of my assignments as complete, your choice. Bonus points if you can give me a B+ average.
Thanks so much.
xo HT