Three Reasons Your Teenager Is Not Good at Substack

BUT I'm gonna get better!

Ok so I haven’t been that good at Substack. In my defense….a doctor once told me I have ADHD. We all know doctors make stuff up, though. My attention is AMAZING. I once spent three whole days researching guinea pigs. In that time I forgot about a midterm, but that’s none of your business.

The good news is that I’v been working on some books. They are for kids and adults.

I’m most excited about the Roblox-themed ones. Not all kids like to read so writing Roblox fiction book might help some of you guys out.

I also finished writing six books for Penguin/Waterhouse. I can’t remember if I’m allowed to announce those yet so I won’t. They’re about a kid in middle school who is kinda rambunctious but means well. Like David in the Bible minus Bathsheba. Those are coming out soon.

So books about Roblox and middle schoolers who might need an IEP.

What’s on my mind this week? Snacks mainly. The photo above is from here and I wish we could have that for dinner. My mom is unfortunately on a “health journey” and is making pancakes out of protein power and egg whites.

Your prayers are appreciated but your DoorDash credits are appreciated even more.

I already talked to CPS and there’s nothing they can do.

Apparently forcing your child to eat pasta made out of lentils is not a crime, it only feels criminal.

That’s fine, I know how to make quesadillas in the microwave. I just didn’t think I’d be ON MY OWN this early in life. You take the hand you are dealt. Thankful for grandma for being a normal human being and sending me granola bars with chocolate chips.

Anyway, my books are coming. Thanks for being PATIENT with me.

love, HT

Oh yeah, three reasons I’m not good at Substack:

1. General Hunger

2. Attention Span

3. Lentils and the spiral zucchini pasta thing